Keeping Your Faith

This time last year, my immediate family was in the midst of a medical crisis like we had never before experienced.  Fear, like I had never known, was in our home as we watched one of our children's health spiral out of all control.  I asked the Lord to give us wisdom in the situation, to direct us to the best doctors, to help us get through the day.  I prayed daily for so many things, and the Lord answered those many prayers.  As the initial shock of the disease subsided and we began to sink into this new version of reality, I responded like I do to most things and immersed myself in learning everything about this disease.  This coping mechanism that I have usually restores my sense of control in a situation; but this time it didn't.  A feeling of despair started to settle over me as I began to learn the depth of this disease--that these types of flare-ups will continue off and on for the rest of my child's life. We will go through this again.  And again.  And again.  I felt desperate, desperate enough to start pounding at heaven for healing.  So I did.  Probably some of you reading this prayed for that healing, too.  I have written about this family struggle and its lessons before, but this is not exactly what I am getting at today.  Today, I am cautiously approaching a very difficult and personal subject that this recent experience has created for me.  I want to talk about praying for healing that does not come, wondering if your faith just wasn't enough for it to happen, and keeping your faith in The Lord when His answer is “no”, or at the very least “not now”.

What He REALLY Said

Do you know God’s Word and Christian doctrine well enough to recognize when something taught or said is incorrect?   I truly believe that as Believers, it is our obligation, and expectation of the Lord, to continue in study until we meet our Maker.   So I have set out to do just that.  Last year about this time, I took a seminary-style theology class for women, called Systematic Theology--BIG text book, lots of BIG words, and BIG thoughts about God.  But I LOVED it, and have continued the classes each semester since.  The teacher warned the class last year that one of the "side effects" of learning to think and filter the world through correct biblical theology is that theological errors will begin to jump out at us.  That has been a very interesting thing to have happen.   A few beloved Christian books and worship songs have been forever changed for me.  I don't like that, really.  But now that I know, I don't want to use those songs to sing "incorrect" praises to my Lord, nor will I recommend those books. Another reality of studying Theology like this is that the more I learn, the more I understand just how much I don't know. But that just spurs me on!  We can truly NEVER know and learn all there is to know about God.

Burden Bearing

For the last two and a half years,  I have been part of watching and caring for someone who is very close to me and that I love suffer.  As my family has morphed into something we never expected, we have all learned a lot. Many spiritual growth lessons….and a lot of medical terms.  One of those lessons has been how to better love, serve and minister to someone who is suffering or carrying a great burden.  I've been really bad at that. But, when my family unexpectedly began having those need, being  on the receiving end has taught me things I may have never learned  otherwise. 

Learning to BEHOLD

I am half way through a bible study curriculum that my church offers.  It takes 3 years to complete, and goes through each book of the Bible, one week at a time.  For the past year and a half I have been studying the Old Testament and a people crying out for a deliverer, longing for a redeemer, begging for a king to save them. We have been studying people like Abraham, Isaac, Jacob, the 12 Tribes, Noah, King David, and Queen Esther.  Learning about the Laws, Feasts and Offerings God required of his people in Leviticus. We studied the Shema in Deuteronomy, read of prophets foretelling and warning them of their sin. Studied as God’s chosen people, over and over, and over again repeated the cycle of turning from God, being defeated, begging God for Mercy and then being restored to Him (sounds familiar). I understood a deeper meaning of the “kinsman redeemer” from the book of Ruth that forever deepened my view of Christ as MY personal Redeemer.  I learned about suffering from Job, pushed through completing the Psalms (in a week!), devoured Proverbs, personally related to Jonah, admired Daniel, and forced myself to finish Hosea…..to close the semester a few weeks ago with the book of Micah.   So far we have completed, week by week, the Pentateuch books (Genesis thru Deuteronomy), the Kingdom books (Joshua thru 2 Kings), the Post Exilic books (1 Chronicles thru Esther), the Poetical books (Job thru Song of Solomon), the Major Prophets (Isaiah thru Daniel), and just finished the Early Minor Prophets (Hosea thru Micah). 

Leave Evidence

I have naturally curly hair (like you can’t tell with the ever growing frizz always atop my head).  But, for those women reading this who have naturally straight hair, I’m going to let you in on a curly hair insider phenomenon known as “clingy curls“.  This is what happens when curly hair naturally sheds and wraps itself around everything you own.  Around fingers, arms, feet, cups, cell phones, the couch, kitchen chairs..you name it..the hairs just wrap around everything they touch and don’t fall to the ground, like most straight hair would.  It can be very irritating to me AND everyone who lives with me.  I leave little”presents” everywhere I sit.  I recently had a particularly irritating “clingy curls” morning.  My hair was everywhere…all over me, all over everything I tried to touch.  Standing in my kitchen making school lunches, I had a thought that made me laugh out loud:

“If anyone ever tried to link me to a crime, it would be sooo easy.  All they would need to do is just look down for a minute for the trail of curly hairs I would leave behind with all that DNA on it!“  I laughed at myself for a few seconds…then stopped dead in my tracks, as The Lord used the moment to illustrate an important Truth to me.  He whispered to my heart…. “Wherever you go, I want you to leave traces of ME behind.”