Burden Bearing

For the last two and a half years,  I have been part of watching and caring for someone who is very close to me and that I love suffer.  As my family has morphed into something we never expected, we have all learned a lot. Many spiritual growth lessons….and a lot of medical terms.  One of those lessons has been how to better love, serve and minister to someone who is suffering or carrying a great burden.  I've been really bad at that. But, when my family unexpectedly began having those need, being  on the receiving end has taught me things I may have never learned  otherwise. 

              

              I had a shocking personal revelation of my shortcomings in this area.  I suddenly realized that God had higher expectations for me to live up to…and I was doing a really bad job. Really bad.  He revealed to me just how often I assume things about people, or envy what they are or have, but mostly just ignored others who I don’t really know the truth about. He did this through people He placed in my path who allowed me to see behind the curtain that hides how they silently suffer and carry a heavy burden, every day.  He did this by bringing back memories of people who I did not respond to in the way that would have been most pleasing to God, and He did this by reminding me of the times I didn't act, or even really care. Let me try to explain:

People watching…we all do it.  Sitting in an airport watching strangers walk by, waiting in line at the fast food place, or in the doctor’s office waiting room.  It happens at church, at football games, and in your neighborhood.  We do it to friends, family, and strangers.   Then most of the time, one of three responses happen: we assume, we envy, but most often we just ignore.  If we are honest with ourselves, we might admit to first thinking, “why can’t I have that body?”, or “that man is so weird!”, or “they don’t deserve that kind of money!”   I think it is just human nature.  It’s certainly not God’s nature.

But I’m learning to look with a different eye, or really, with and different heart.  That lady who never had to struggle with her weight, always skinny? What if she can’t eat without being in physical pain? What if she sees others as the blessed ones who can enjoy food that doesn't bring them harm?  That man that invades your personal space and is socially awkward?  What if he has Asperger Syndrome and is just trying to function in our society where he is naturally “odd”? The family who has a lot more money than you? What if they are struggling inside, and trying to buy happiness, or up to their eyeballs in debt?   The man who chewed out the teenager behind the counter at McDonald's?  What if he is the primary care giver to his wife of 30 years who is now an invalid…he may have been just trying not to cry, so he yelled instead?  People silently suffer from all kinds of things, all around us, every day.  We really have NO idea what goes on in someone’s life, their bodies or their homes.   You have to really want to see it, to see it sometimes.

Rather than imitate Christ, and attempt to see people through His eyes, we often assume, we envy, or we just ignore.  I assumed, I envied, I ignored.  Not on purpose or to be mean….I kept telling myself that wasn't part of my “ministry” or "there are plenty of other people helping" or my personal favorite "they will call me if they need me".   I thought I was doing ok.  I would give the obligatory response of “Call me if you need anything!”, then not give it another thought.  This verse of scripture has been particularly convicting to me about that.  James 2:15-16 says “If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, and one of you says to them, "Depart in peace, be warmed and filled," but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does it profit?”  If someone I know is hurting or in need, and I “offer” my help, what good does that do?  Not much.  Because not many people will respond by actually telling you what they need.  I mean, really.  If a well meaning person says “call me if you need anything!”, would you actually tell them? “I do need something.  I need to just take a hot bath with a good book and escape a minute, but my kitchen is a disaster.” Or “I just need someone to really listen to me while I cry”.  Not likely.  But those types of needs are real.  If I only “offer” my help, and provide nothing, it means nothing.

 The Lord is using this season in our family to teach us something He needs us to learn, and by “us”, I mean ME.  Assuming, envying or ignoring someone’s problems or pain prevents love, ministry and burden bearing from ever happening.  They just don’t go together.   That’s not to say that the sole purpose for the situation in my family is to teach ME something… not at all.  I'm know that The Lord is using this situation to touch all our who know us in some way. But isn't that often how the Lord works?  He alone has the awesome ability to take ONE thing in our lives and have it touch EVERYTHING in our lives for good. Even when it doesn't feel good at the time, the promise is “we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose.” Romans 8:28

Our “momentary afflictions” (2 Cor 4:17 ) in this earthy life are not in vain, they do have a purpose, and the Lord holds each of our shed tears in His hands (Psalm 56:8).  He KNOWS about suffering, knows when we suffer and chooses to allow it in the lives of His Believers for a purpose.  Of course we all think about Job for biblical reference and proof that God does allow suffering.  I’m not going to begin to assume I know all the answers about why The Lord allows pain and suffering into the lives of those who love and serve Him, but I do know that some of those reasons are to bring us closer to Him through prayer, to teach us how to really show love to others, to show us how to bring Glory to God through it, move us to be more Christ like, to give us reasons to BE THE CHURCH and to give us individual ability to minister to others by bearing one another’s burdens.  We can do that in so many ways.  But it doesn't happen unless we first see peoples pain.  God’s Word is full of verses and examples of this type of godly action.  For example, Paul teaches:“Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.” 2 Cor 1:3-4

Even if I don’t have personal experience in what another person is dealing with, I can still hurt for them.  I can still ask how I can pray (then REALLY do pray).  I can drop by their house just to give them a hug or do some laundry, pop a card in the mail, send a text, run an errand, do their dishes or yard while they relax, ask them for an update AND THEN REALLY LISTEN, even if they cry.  Don’t be afraid to ask someone about their situation…don’t worry about “reminding them” of their pain…because they haven’t forgotten anyways.  What about sharing how The Lord has been faithful in getting you through something similar?  I think people need to hear that witness.   I can do ANYTHING but say “Call me if you need anything!”.   This reminds me of what a dear friend and Pastor, Bro Lou Thomas used to say about remembering people… “Love me or hate me, just don’t forget me.”  It’s so true.  This is pleasing to The Lord, and brings meaning to our own personal sufferings.  “Nevertheless you have done well that you shared in my distress.” Phil 4:14

The ones who served and are serving my family in these ways have impacted my life in a most unforgettable way.  They have been THE CHURCH.  People just want to know that another human being sees their pain.  Christ-like ACTION  or heartfelt listening brings honor to their pain.   As believers, we should be standing in line to be the one who bears another’s burden, even for just a second.  That is being the hands and feet of His Church.  This act of ministering and burden bearing is a part of God’s plan to turn our personal sufferings into His Good, and to be more like the One who bore all our burden’s.  “Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Gal 6:2