This time last year, my
immediate family was in the midst of a medical crisis like we had never before experienced. Fear,
like I had never known, was in our home as we watched one of our children's
health spiral out of all control. I asked the Lord to give us wisdom
in the situation, to direct us to the best doctors, to help us get through the
day. I prayed daily for so many things, and the Lord answered those
many prayers. As the initial shock of the disease subsided and we
began to sink into this new version of reality, I responded like I do to most
things and immersed myself in learning everything about this
disease. This coping mechanism that I have usually restores my sense of control in a situation; but this time it
didn't. A feeling of despair started to settle over me as I began to
learn the depth of this disease--that these types of flare-ups will continue off
and on for the rest of my child's life. We will go through this again. And again.
And again. I felt desperate, desperate enough to start
pounding at heaven for healing. So I did. Probably some of
you reading this prayed for that healing, too. I have written about
this family struggle and its lessons before, but this is not exactly what I am
getting at today. Today, I am
cautiously approaching a very difficult and personal subject that this recent
experience has created for me. I want to talk about praying for
healing that does not come, wondering if your faith just wasn't enough for it
to happen, and keeping your faith in The Lord when His answer is “no”, or at
the very least “not now”.
