The other day I saw an interview with Mitt Romney. He was talking about his wife and how much he loved her. It quickly went through their long history together. Mr. Romney said something like "People sometimes ask me what I would do, if I had time to do anything I wanted. My answer is always the same, I would spend every minute of it with my wife. I love her, she's my counselor, friend, wife and companion....I just want to spend time with Ann."
After watching the interview, I found myself thinking “I want to be a wife like THAT.”
Then another thought occurred to me….I wonder how many women will respond to that interview by thinking or saying….”I wish my husband was more like that!” or “I want a husband like that!” First finding fault with her husband ahead of the plank in her own eyes. I make this BOLD statement as a married woman who daily battles with that mindset and needs to be reminded. So, no apologies. I am not saying that everything is up to the wives or is the fault of wives, not in the least bit…and I will not give the husbands of this world a free pass. But for the purposes of what I am saying now, I’m focusing on wives. I am a wife…a husband, I am not. But what I AM saying is this: If these are not the kind of words your husband has ever said to describe you, privately or publically, or you could never even imagine him saying something close to this….could it be that we have some improving to do in the wife department?
WAIT, don’t hate me! I’m on your side! Think this through…for example would you say to your best friend “I love my husband… he cherishes me, he would lay down his life for me, he is a good provider and protector for our family….I just want to spend all my time with him!”…..IF HE WASN’T?
This summer I re-read the modern-day classic faith based book, The Power of a Praying Wife, by Stormie O’Martin. I highly recommend it if you haven’t read it. It is about praying for your husband in a God honoring way. But first, the author gracefully makes her point that the kind of prayer for change in marriage that God honors most, starts with our prayer to God for Him to change our selves, before we start praying to God to change our husbands (talking to myself here). Ever heard the saying, “Praying for patience is a dangerous thing.”? It’s true…. when you pray for patience, God doesn’t just “zap you” with patience….no, He gives you more opportunities to practice BEING patient. Perfecting in His child that which He has called you to be, patient and more like Him. “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. “ Phil 1:6
The same theory can be applied for our purposes. If I was to pray for God to change my husband to suit me better, I’m not sure God honors that kind of prayer. If I was to pray for my marriage to improve in a specific area, God is likely to give ME more opportunities to make improvements. If I was to pray and ask God to change my husband so he would be better at meeting my emotional needs, He is most likely to teach ME ways to meet my husband’s emotional needs first. That‘s just the way God works. OUCH….that implies the problem isn’t only in the other person.
As women, we have this seemingly ingrained natural need to change our husbands into better people, men, and husbands. We know just what he should do AND what he should never do again. We feel it is our duty to help him. Interestingly, this problem isn’t “natural” at all. It all started with the Fall of Adam and Eve. You know the story, so I won’t go into the entre thing…flash forward to the time of punishment by God. God says some things to the Serpent, who deserved every bit of it, and then turns His attention to the woman and says…
"I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; In pain you shall bring forth children; Your desire shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you." Gen 3:16.
Listen to this explanation from my Bible Commentary:
“The word desire can also mean “an attempt to unsurp or control” as in Gen 4:7 use of the word desire demonstrates. We can paraphrase these last 2 lines of this verse this way: “You will now have a tendency to dominate your husband, and he will have the tendency to act as a tyrant over you.” The battle of the sexes has begun. Each strives for control and neither lives in the best interest of the other (see Phil 2:3-4). The antidote is in the restoration of mutual respect and dignity through Jesus Christ (see Eph 5:21-33).” – (Nelson Study Bible NKJ Version)
That “natural” desire to change our husbands was born at this very moment in God’s Word….as a consequence of original sin. At that very moment, without a Savior from that sin, we would suffer. That puts it into perspective, doesn’t it? It’s right next to painful childbirth. Bummer.
So, I believe it all begins with a rather simple prayer to the Father…..one that asks Him to restore the order He intended in our lives and in our marriages.
“Change me. Change me to be more like the person You want me to be and the wife you want me to be. Bring my thoughts, passions, opinions and actions in all areas of my life, in line with Yours. I believe that Your way is better than my way.”
Just like praying for patience….this too is a dangerous prayer. Earnestly and honestly asking the Lord to change you to be more like Him will provoke things to happen in your life…guaranteed. I whole heartedly believe that as women and wives, we carry power to better our own marriages and relationships. Even apart from our spouse’s participation, if necessary. Deep down, no matter what faith, political, educational, or personal opinions, beliefs or backgrounds you may have, I believe EVERY married women longs for her husband to speak those same words about her. We can’t help it…it’s just the way we are designed (wink, wink). And it’s worth it to BE that kind of wife.
I have a wonderful husband, who has put up with my slow learning curve for 18 years now, but this is something I struggle with daily, just like many women…and now we know WHY we struggle! I think that’s half the battle….the other half is admitting to needing The Lord’s help on this and recognizing that the way the world teaches us to be wives just isn’t always in line with God’s ways (no wonder the divorce rate is so huge.) When our hearts desire is to be in line with God’s Word and Will, our feet, hearts and minds will follow. “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” Romans 12:2
Who wouldn’t want to be a wife like THAT…especially when it produces a HUSBAND like this.
After watching the interview, I found myself thinking “I want to be a wife like THAT.”
Then another thought occurred to me….I wonder how many women will respond to that interview by thinking or saying….”I wish my husband was more like that!” or “I want a husband like that!” First finding fault with her husband ahead of the plank in her own eyes. I make this BOLD statement as a married woman who daily battles with that mindset and needs to be reminded. So, no apologies. I am not saying that everything is up to the wives or is the fault of wives, not in the least bit…and I will not give the husbands of this world a free pass. But for the purposes of what I am saying now, I’m focusing on wives. I am a wife…a husband, I am not. But what I AM saying is this: If these are not the kind of words your husband has ever said to describe you, privately or publically, or you could never even imagine him saying something close to this….could it be that we have some improving to do in the wife department?
WAIT, don’t hate me! I’m on your side! Think this through…for example would you say to your best friend “I love my husband… he cherishes me, he would lay down his life for me, he is a good provider and protector for our family….I just want to spend all my time with him!”…..IF HE WASN’T?
This summer I re-read the modern-day classic faith based book, The Power of a Praying Wife, by Stormie O’Martin. I highly recommend it if you haven’t read it. It is about praying for your husband in a God honoring way. But first, the author gracefully makes her point that the kind of prayer for change in marriage that God honors most, starts with our prayer to God for Him to change our selves, before we start praying to God to change our husbands (talking to myself here). Ever heard the saying, “Praying for patience is a dangerous thing.”? It’s true…. when you pray for patience, God doesn’t just “zap you” with patience….no, He gives you more opportunities to practice BEING patient. Perfecting in His child that which He has called you to be, patient and more like Him. “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. “ Phil 1:6
The same theory can be applied for our purposes. If I was to pray for God to change my husband to suit me better, I’m not sure God honors that kind of prayer. If I was to pray for my marriage to improve in a specific area, God is likely to give ME more opportunities to make improvements. If I was to pray and ask God to change my husband so he would be better at meeting my emotional needs, He is most likely to teach ME ways to meet my husband’s emotional needs first. That‘s just the way God works. OUCH….that implies the problem isn’t only in the other person.
As women, we have this seemingly ingrained natural need to change our husbands into better people, men, and husbands. We know just what he should do AND what he should never do again. We feel it is our duty to help him. Interestingly, this problem isn’t “natural” at all. It all started with the Fall of Adam and Eve. You know the story, so I won’t go into the entre thing…flash forward to the time of punishment by God. God says some things to the Serpent, who deserved every bit of it, and then turns His attention to the woman and says…
"I will greatly multiply your sorrow and your conception; In pain you shall bring forth children; Your desire shall be for your husband, And he shall rule over you." Gen 3:16.
Listen to this explanation from my Bible Commentary:
“The word desire can also mean “an attempt to unsurp or control” as in Gen 4:7 use of the word desire demonstrates. We can paraphrase these last 2 lines of this verse this way: “You will now have a tendency to dominate your husband, and he will have the tendency to act as a tyrant over you.” The battle of the sexes has begun. Each strives for control and neither lives in the best interest of the other (see Phil 2:3-4). The antidote is in the restoration of mutual respect and dignity through Jesus Christ (see Eph 5:21-33).” – (Nelson Study Bible NKJ Version)
That “natural” desire to change our husbands was born at this very moment in God’s Word….as a consequence of original sin. At that very moment, without a Savior from that sin, we would suffer. That puts it into perspective, doesn’t it? It’s right next to painful childbirth. Bummer.
So, I believe it all begins with a rather simple prayer to the Father…..one that asks Him to restore the order He intended in our lives and in our marriages.
“Change me. Change me to be more like the person You want me to be and the wife you want me to be. Bring my thoughts, passions, opinions and actions in all areas of my life, in line with Yours. I believe that Your way is better than my way.”
Just like praying for patience….this too is a dangerous prayer. Earnestly and honestly asking the Lord to change you to be more like Him will provoke things to happen in your life…guaranteed. I whole heartedly believe that as women and wives, we carry power to better our own marriages and relationships. Even apart from our spouse’s participation, if necessary. Deep down, no matter what faith, political, educational, or personal opinions, beliefs or backgrounds you may have, I believe EVERY married women longs for her husband to speak those same words about her. We can’t help it…it’s just the way we are designed (wink, wink). And it’s worth it to BE that kind of wife.
I have a wonderful husband, who has put up with my slow learning curve for 18 years now, but this is something I struggle with daily, just like many women…and now we know WHY we struggle! I think that’s half the battle….the other half is admitting to needing The Lord’s help on this and recognizing that the way the world teaches us to be wives just isn’t always in line with God’s ways (no wonder the divorce rate is so huge.) When our hearts desire is to be in line with God’s Word and Will, our feet, hearts and minds will follow. “And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, that you may prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.” Romans 12:2
Who wouldn’t want to be a wife like THAT…especially when it produces a HUSBAND like this.
No comments:
Post a Comment